JD: It’s very easy to say, “I don’t need to look at anything, ‘I am nothing.’”
Q: I did therapy where I ended up in very nice love space with an open heart. Then I met you and Advaita and discovered this “Oh, I’m nothing,” and again I don’t need to look to anything.
JD: But this is just a nice idea. It is one of the popular mistakes made by people during the last years in Satsang, about non duality. They say, “Oh, I’ve been to two meetings, now I understand: I’m not who I thought I was. I’m not somebody, I’m not a person, I’m nothing. So I don’t have to do anything because I’m nothing.” This can be a complete cop-out.
It’s not wrong when you say, “Okay, I’m nothing.” There’s nothing wrong in that, because that’s probably a better understanding than thinking you’re somebody. But it’s not the whole story.
The old structures are still working inside us even if we are going around saying, “Oh I’m nothing, I’m nothing.” When you start to see that they’re still working they need some investigation. You’ve come to this point now where you need to investigate.
It’s not wrong and one of the things that’s very good is that you have achieved an open heart. You’re an interesting character. I met you six years ago and you’ve always been interested in the gold medal. Is that right?
JD. You didn’t realise what it takes, how much training is needed. This next period, when you start to really allow the mud to bubble up, can be very difficult.
We get involved in a spiritual life, because we want to have drips of honey every day; we want to have a little bit of extra sweetness in our lives. Often we need to go through periods where there isn’t much honey. Because we have the idea that we should get honey every day, we wonder why we aren’t feeling good.
I think anyone who really gets to the honey pot has gone through some difficult times when there wasn’t much honey around. Times where you’re struggling to manage, struggling to get your head out of the mud, so to speak.
The way to get out of it is to come to the true Self. But in order to come to the true Self one has to be ready to struggle with the false self.
When you had a boyfriend, rather than look at what was going on with you, you always looked at what was going on with him. Now you’re going to need to start looking and seeing what’s going on inside you. For some people it gets so difficult that they almost can’t function in daily life.
So you’re going to need the help of somebody you trust to look at those particular things that happened when you were very small. One of the important things is to realise there’s no personal blaming in it. We didn’t personally have any choice when things happened to us as children. Usually it’s the parents, but it may be other relatives around us. We get born into a certain situation, we get conditioned in a certain way and if we’re lucky we get good treatment.
Whatever the treatment is it’s likely to leave very strong inner structures, and if we don’t look at those inner structures then we’re never going to be free of them.
And then there’s a fine line between being too involved in it and dismissing it as past, defending it so we don’t ever really look at it. A balance is needed. So sometimes I advise people to look at something and other times I might advise people not to look at something. It just depends on the balance within that person.
What we’ve discovered while you’ve been living in the community, and what you’re beginning to discover for yourself, is the existence of a defensive mechanism that has been preventing you from really looking. And judgments are part of it.
Q: Yes, it’s a really big discovery for me.
JD. You have an open heart and you have a genuine priority for the 24 karat gold.